Star Wars: The Phantom Menace: The Retro ConnoReview

I was extremely hesitant to watch this movie again. I grew up as the prequels released, and had never seen the need to watch them again (likely with good reason). However, I got the whole saga on Bluray, so I decided to give it a whirl.
It really doesn't hold up.
This is far from the worst movie I've ever seen, though while I was watching it I never felt like I was watching Star Wars. Star Wars is full of fast-paced action as well as strong characters. The Phantom Menace has neither of those qualities. There are action sequences, though they're few and far between and terribly paced between Senate discussions and awkward character introductions. Unlike the seemingly timeless stop-motion animation of the OT’s space battles and The Force Awakens’ return to conventional action, Phantom Menace relies solely on CGI, and in 2016 it just doesn't look good. Ships are very low on polygon count, overall visual fidelity has actually gone down (wasn't sure that was possible) since the late 70s originals.
Characters are stony and exhibit little to no qualities that stand out, save for a strong performance from Ewan MacGregor. George Lucas managed to make Samuel L. Jackson boring. I don't know if I should see that as an achievement or resent that. Jar Jar is just as annoying as ever, sadly. Phantom Menace is far from the king in the characterization department. I barely if at all cared about any of the characters by the end, a far cry from the wonderful protagonists of JJ Abrams’ new film.
Despite its many issues, Phantom Menace has a few, not many, redeeming qualities. John Williams’ soundtrack for this one was killer, with Duel of the Fates still standing as one of my favorite Star Wars songs. The pod race bit, as much as it dragged, provided more drama and visual fidelity than the entire film, though sadly proved tiresome like most of the other things about this one. Finally on the list of goods, double-bladed lightsabers are still cool as heck.
So, to wrap up, The Phantom Menace isn't very good. It wasn't very good back when it first came out, and it's certainly not very impressive now. If you're looking for a modern Star Wars adventure, I would definitely look to the new one currently in theaters, which I reviewed earlier.
I'll be back in a bit with a review of Attack of the Clones, as hesitant as I am to do it.