Star Wars: The Phantom Menace: The Retro ConnoReview

I was extremely hesitant to watch this movie again. I grew up as the prequels released, and had never seen the need to watch them again (likely with good reason). However, I got the whole saga on Bluray, so I decided to give it a whirl.
It really doesn't hold up.
This is far from the worst movie I've ever seen, though while I was watching it I never felt like I was watching Star Wars. Star Wars is full of fast-paced action as well as strong characters. The Phantom Menace has neither of those qualities. There are action sequences, though they're few and far between and terribly paced between Senate discussions and awkward character introductions. Unlike the seemingly timeless stop-motion animation of the OT’s space battles and The Force Awakens’ return to conventional action, Phantom Menace relies solely on CGI, and in 2016 it just doesn't look good. Ships are very low on polygon count, overall visual fidelity has actually gone down (wasn't sure that was possible) since the late 70s originals.
Characters are stony and exhibit little to no qualities that stand out, save for a strong performance from Ewan MacGregor. George Lucas managed to make Samuel L. Jackson boring. I don't know if I should see that as an achievement or resent that. Jar Jar is just as annoying as ever, sadly. Phantom Menace is far from the king in the characterization department. I barely if at all cared about any of the characters by the end, a far cry from the wonderful protagonists of JJ Abrams’ new film.
Despite its many issues, Phantom Menace has a few, not many, redeeming qualities. John Williams’ soundtrack for this one was killer, with Duel of the Fates still standing as one of my favorite Star Wars songs. The pod race bit, as much as it dragged, provided more drama and visual fidelity than the entire film, though sadly proved tiresome like most of the other things about this one. Finally on the list of goods, double-bladed lightsabers are still cool as heck.
So, to wrap up, The Phantom Menace isn't very good. It wasn't very good back when it first came out, and it's certainly not very impressive now. If you're looking for a modern Star Wars adventure, I would definitely look to the new one currently in theaters, which I reviewed earlier.
I'll be back in a bit with a review of Attack of the Clones, as hesitant as I am to do it.

Oscar Nominations 2016: The ConnoReview

Hey y'all, my Aunt Stephanie sent me a request: scoping out this year's Oscars. So rather than leave the fun for her, I decided to post about it here. Hurray for being inclusive! I'll include my personal opinion on what I'd like to win as well as what I think will win. Anyways, let's begin.

*indicates films I haven't seen yet
Best Writing/Original Screenplay
Bridge of Spies*
Ex Machina
Inside Out
Spotlight*
Straight Outta Compton*

My opinion: this was tough, especially with how much buzz there is about nearly all of these films. However, I would personally vouch for Inside Out as it has big laughs, big personalities (5 of them, in fact) and functions as a full story even without the personality dialogue. What I think will win is Spotlight, as from everything I've heard about that film it sounds like it would mesh with a very wide audience and focuses on a gripping, not often discussed, but still major event. Also, the writing is of course wonderful.

Best Adapted Screenplay
The Big Short*
Brooklyn*
Carol*
The Martian
Room*

My opinion: The Martian is fabulously written, with Matt Damon's dialogue and strong supporting characters supporting him. What will win I believe is The Big Short, which I'm in the process of reading, as it is wildly funny and tells a manipulative, domineering tale of businessmen cornering the global market.

Best Visual/Sound Effects
Ex Machina
Mad Max: Fury Road
The Martian
The Revenant*
Star Wars: The Force Awakens
Bridge of Spies*

My opinion: All of these films did a brilliant job of creating an immersive, unique experience. Ex Machina brought you into the mind of a manipulative and captivating AI, Mad Max featured huge explosions and breathtaking views of the Australian outback, The Martian did something very similar, and I haven't seen Bridge of Spies or Revenant, so I can't comment on those. However, I feel like the film this year that did visual and audio design the best was Star Wars: The Force Awakens.
JJ Abrams uses movie magic to bring you back to the glory days of the sci-fi franchise. Brilliant dogfights, breathtaking landscapes, and spot-on sound design bring the viewer into a space opera with through-the-roof production values, and the production that came out of it showcases those values with aplomb.

Best Cinematography
Carol*
The Hateful Eight*
Mad Max: Fury Road
The Revenant*
Sicario*

My opinion: I haven't seen 4 out of 5 of these films, so let's talk about Mad Max! Mad Max is the most impressive feat of cinematography I've seen in a film. The movie is one take, and one long race told from different viewpoints. It's BREATHTAKING and a huge undertaking. Take a look sometime, I certainly liked it.

Best Actress in a Lead Role (Daisy Ridley is not nominated but still wins)
Cate Blanchett, Carol*
Brie Larson, Room*
Jennifer Lawrence, Joy*
Charlotte Rampling, 45 Years*
Saoirse Ronan, Brooklyn*

Best Actor in a Lead Role
Bryan Cranston, Trumbo*
Matt Damon, The Martian
Leonardo Dicaprio, The Revenant*
Michael Fassbender, Steve Jobs*
Eddie Redmayne, The Danish Girl*

I've trumpeted on about Martian long enough, but from what I understand this may be the year that ol' Leo gets an Oscar.

Best Picture
The Big Short*
Bridge of Spies*
Brooklyn*
Mad Max: Fury Road
The Martian
The Revenant*
Room*
Spotlight*

KINGSMAN WINS
Ok thanks for reading, I may have some sort of arbitrary award ceremony of my own in a few weeks, we'll see.

Undertale: The ConnoReview (spoiler-free)

I don't think that I'll ever forget Undertale. I don't think I ever imagined that a retro-stylized RPG would make me think as much as Undertale did. Undertale is creative. Undertale is hilarious. Undertale is powerful. Toby Fox’s labor of love sets a precedent for what video games should aspire to be. Here, I'll tell you why.

Undertale’s greatest strength is how it treats the player not as the game’s protagonist, but treating them like a player, defying their expectations. The main battle system is an amalgamation of bullet hell and turn-based RPG mechanics, a system that harkens back to the days of yore while also (successfully) keeping the player directly engaged. When first meeting the game's many characters, they feel one-dimensional, albeit extremely humorous. The further encounters you have with them make them feel more like people. They feel well-rounded and I ended up actually caring about many of them by the ending. The game also has a habit of breaking the fourth wall. This is prominent due to how it weaves its inherent nuttiness into its mechanics, even going so far as to use the UI to assist its storytelling. The soundtrack is spot-on too, and I regularly find myself humming some of the jingles to myself during the day. The culmination of these things create something truly magical, something that if released in the SNES era would become an instant classic (In my opinion, it’s done so.)

And the endings. Oh, THE ENDINGS. I won't spoil them here, but when it comes to defying the expectations of the player, Undertale’s several branching paths do things I’ve never seen before in video games, one of which is in my opinion one of the coolest things in any game EVER (especially when accounting for the context). This all stems from tying story directly into mechanics and making the player feel as if they themselves are in control rather than playing the role of some character onscreen.

You may notice that this review is vague in a few spots. This is intentional. I believe that there are so many wonderful things about Undertale, and they are best experienced with as little prior knowledge as possible. It’s a game that anyone can appreciate, and at $10, why not give it a try?

Grab it on Steam: http://store.steampowered.com/app/391540/

Grab it DRM-free: http://undertale.com/

2015: The ConnoReview

Happy new year ya filthy animals. These are a few of my favorite things from what is now last year.

Favorite experience: CIT-ing again and meeting a multitude of new and old friends
Favorite new thing I got to do: Trip to the Dominican Republic
Favorite Movie: Kingsman: The Secret Service/Star Wars: The Force Awakens
Favorite app: FTL: Faster Than Light on iPad. Nothing of note really showed up on mobile this year.
Favorite vacation: Return to PAX East
Favorite subreddit: /r/games
Favorite game: Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain
Favorite idiotic failure: Batman: Arkham Knight PC port
Favorite ridiculous thing that happened: My father gave me a small loan of a million dollars
Least favorite food: green beans